Love What You Do

Over the last 6 months I've been seriously re-thinking my job and career choice. One thing I learned in grad school was that successful people find jobs that they love and are great in. Although I like my job and I am good at my job I don't think it's what I'm meant to do. Several years ago I started noticing something wasn't quite right between my job and me but I didn't know what it was because for the most part, I loved my organization's culture and people. Initially, I had thought it had something to do with the massive reorganization we underwent to "lean" our processes but over the last 2 years I started realizing that it was because I didn't love what I did and I wasn't "great" at what I did. Sure, I am good at my job but I don't think I'm great.


Despite feeling mismatched with my job, my supervisors have given me several opportunities to excel and find aspects of my job that I do absolutely love. For instance, about 3 years ago I started being tasked with briefing senior leaders about our HR systems. Although I have a lot of anxiety about presenting material in front of others, I quickly discovered that presenting briefings was something I got a "work high" from. Plus, I was briefing people about a favorite part of my job (the technical system stuff) and I received several comments about how well I presented material. Thus, I feel as though presenting briefings and learning new systems is something I am great at doing.


Now, although I finally found parts of my work that matched me, I am not able to brief people on a full-time basis nor do I want to; however, I think training others would enable me to do something I enjoy (present material) without overdoing it. Which brings me to why I am posting this blog.


At work, I applied for a training position in a different section. I discovered that the manager of the training position was interested in hiring me, but that my manager did not want to let me go. Basically, I was advised that in the best interest of the organization, I would not be able to leave my current area until I work in the area for 1 full year but that I could guest instruct on an as needed basis. As a result, thinking that my work situation was not that bad, I accepted the explanation and agreed to be a guest instructor instead of a full-time instructor. After all, I like everyone on my team and I still enjoy some parts of my job. Plus, I've learned that there are some battles not worth fighting, especially the ones I am most likely to lose. Although I initially accepted my fate without too much concern, over time, I started feeling as though I was being held back from reaching my potential and from doing something that I believe I would truly enjoy. Not to mention that being a trainer was part of my 5 year goal plan (7 years ago). As a result, I find myself not as excited about work as I used to be and I find myself fighting to make it to work in the morning and racing out of work in the afternoon.


However, I was recently asked to guest instruct a course and suddenly my excitement and motivation came back. It was amazing. I found myself naturally happy to be at work again and I look forward to going to work again, but only when I'm working on the training material. When I think of my other work I get a sinking feeling in stomach because I realize that it's only a matter of time before I will need to resume my normal workload again and be stuck behind my desk.


Yes, a desk is the last place I pictured myself ever working but it is where I have spent almost all of my professional career.


Although I understand why my supervisor did not want to let me go, I cannot understand why anyone would want to hold someone back from something that would make them happy. I have not given up hope that I will one day be working in a job that I love and that best fits me and in the mean time I am loving my current guest instructor assignment. Next week I will have my first guest instructor class and I will learn whether or not training is where I belong.